I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
