I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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