ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
