my text book just quoted the cookie monster
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
