i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You are a genius and a whore.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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