Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
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