I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
