I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
