i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
