I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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