I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize