just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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