nut hugger
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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