I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
