you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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