I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize