i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize