I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
