I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
the day after is always just damage control
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
