if you like me you must not know who I am
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
