How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
