if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
