im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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