You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize