You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
