On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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