I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
