Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize