Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
My sheets look like a crime scene.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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