This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
