chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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