My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
