I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize