i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
