I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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