dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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