RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
