Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Your tits are I can't wait for
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
