When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
