What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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