I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
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