I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
