I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
You can't special order awesome
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
