I think I am morally bankrupt
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
