I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
