I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
