Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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