no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
