When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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