your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
