I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
