Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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