Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
