How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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