Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
it's like heaven, but drunker
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
