where am i from again
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
