The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
