I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
