It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
