Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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