Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
