Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
