I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
