Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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