So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Dick very happy bro
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
