Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
The best revenge is premature balding
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
