i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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