if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I won't apologize to a one balled man
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
