she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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