remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
