So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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