Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
only if we run a train.
done.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
