Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
