"it" just moved
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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