dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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