the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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