THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize