Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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