Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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