I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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