Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
