I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
