Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
