I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
