By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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