So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize