let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
