i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
