I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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