I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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