Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
not ubering you a puppy
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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