Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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