Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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