Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
